<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Dance With You by EverlarkAlways08</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385984">Dance With You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverlarkAlways08/pseuds/EverlarkAlways08'>EverlarkAlways08</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:14:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,716</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385984</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverlarkAlways08/pseuds/EverlarkAlways08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>District Twelve is recovering from the aftermath of the rebellion, Katniss however hides herself away and lets her depression take over.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ticking clock. It reminds me of every minute, every hour and every day that goes by without Prim being here. Four months and five days since her death... since Haymitch and I have been back to Twelve, from what I know from Sae, Haymitch drinks himself into sleep which wasn't a surprise to me. Greasy Sae cleans my house and makes food that I either leave to rot or leave for Buttercup to eat, I only eat nibbles of food but that's only when Sae stands there and watches me take bites of my food but after that I go back to my staring into oblivion, trying my best to get to where Prim is but I can never seem to get to that point, I miss my sister... it makes me angry, heartbroken, sad, a whirl of those emotions mashed together in a ball and reminds me of her death, how she died and who was responsible.</p><p>I'll never forget how she said my name... right before the second wave of bombs had hit. Innocent children... women... men that either lost their lives or their lives changed completely and I can't get the thought out of my head, it's my fault they were gathering, my fault by letting Prim think it was okay to go out on the field, even given that she was too young to even be there. I lay down on the couch, I clench the pillow as the sobs start silent but then I get to the point of not caring as I let my sobs get louder, my heart aches painfully and it doesn't seem to stop, the more I cry, the worst it seems to get. Buttercup jumps up and I pull him against me, he meows but my crying continues, he understands that I need something to do with Prim to latch onto and Buttercup is that something.</p><p>"You need to eat up, Girly. You're too skinny, hardly any meat on your bones" Sae places the plate of toast in front of me, I look at her with a scowl before moving it away from me</p><p>"My Farah is less stubborn" Sae scolds, I hug my legs closer to my chest and turn my head away. I don't care... nothing in this world makes sense to me anymore, I've had so much torn away from me, why should I care about myself?</p><p>I wake up screaming from my second nightmare that night, I'm sweating and already crying, I don't even know why I bother sleeping... not when I get constant nightmares which makes me even more tired than what I would be if I weren't sleeping at all. My mind immediately goes to his arms... my nightmares always seemed to haunt me less in his arms, I grip my hair and shake away the memories we had all those nights just laying in silence as I tried recovering from my nightmare. I sit up with my face in my hands as I try getting the screaming out of my head but I can't, everyone I've ever cared about calling out for me to help them, save them but I never can because the faster I run the further away they all seem to get until it's so unbearable that I drop down, hands over my ears and scream until I wake up.</p><p>Sae always knows when it's been a rougher night than usual, those are the days where she leaves me alone, doesn't force me to eat or talk. I just continue staring at the chipped paint on the wall as the sound of the clock pierces my ears as it continues to remind me that time is still steady and going, people are out there living their new lives, maybe even enjoying it but it makes me cower deeper into the darkness of my mind at the feeling of ever being happy. Sometimes I wonder where it all went wrong, my father's death? My mother's depression? Volunteering? Peeta getting captured? Letting war take the best out of Gale and I's friendship? Letting my feelings of Peeta cloud over what was really going on? So many things and I can't figure out which one made me get in this position but I'm not even sure I want to even get out.</p><p>"Any booze?" Haymitch bursts through my door, I just scowl </p><p>"Don't you look like shit" he grumbles sitting in the single armchair, I ignore his presence because he's the last person that I want to talk to </p><p>"The old silent treatment. You never one for words" he takes large gulps from his bottle, he gets up and I hear him rummaging around in the kitchen as he tries finding what I know he's looking for, something he won't find</p><p>"That Sae won't stop talking about how she's worried you're withering away" he sighs sitting back down </p><p>"So you're here to pity me" I scowl, I don't need anyones pity </p><p>"Oh no. I'm here to wallow in my drinking into oblivion" he raises the bottle before taking a drink, not even wincing</p><p>"Well, you stink" I mumble </p><p>"And you smell any better? Not one for company I see" he says, I turn my head away from him, already tired of talking</p><p>"You've always been a handful, Sweetheart" he finally gets up and manages to get himself outside, I take into account just how bad I do smell. It makes me scowl at the stench which grows too much that I walk myself upstairs and into the bathroom, I'm under the warm water for a while until I'm satisfied that I don't smell. I look at myself in the long mirror with a scowl, scars on my arms and slight burn marks that were too deep to fully disappear, it makes me sick at the sight, it makes me wonder who could ever care, let alone love someone so hideous. I get changed quick before taking my spot back on the couch, I lift my arm to see the ugly long scar where Johanna had cut out my tracker and scowl at it, I put my arm down and lay down on the soft pillow but sleep doesn't take over because I refuse to face the demons that I know will be waiting for me.</p><p>Sae seems surprised the next day to see me in a change of clothes and not stinking up the entire house but she doesn't say anything, only a faint smile appears on her lips before she begins to make breakfast. I watch her granddaughter, Farah, play with a ball of yarn from my moms knitting basket and I've never seen anyone so invested in such a material, Farah is odd but she's loved by Sae and they both have lost so much before and after the rebellion, it's almost tragic.</p><p>"Farah. Come now, stop playing with things you shouldn't be playing with" Sae scolds</p><p>"It's fine... it doesn't get used anyways" I reply, Farah shrugs and continues, I can feel Sae's shock at me talking but I ignore her look and continue to stare at the wall, she continues whatever it is she was doing before while I drown myself back into my thoughts, my heart feels for Farah who seems to be in her own little world and it seems that people within the District find her a little odd, she may be odd but she's harmless.</p><p>"Paylor has shut down the mines. We're getting a medical factory built, we'll be known for medicine" Sae explains as she folds my now clean clothes </p><p>"They've also made a burial up on the hill overlooking Twelve" she says, I haven't been able to see the outside world yet and if I'm being honest... I don't know if I want to because the last thing the people of this District wants is having to see me walking in town like I even deserve to be walking, that I deserve to be alive.</p><p>"Why don't you go hunting? Make a routine for yourself" Sae suggests, the sound of it makes my fingers twitch </p><p>"I don't want to" I mumble </p><p>"Well at least you're talk'in" she grins, I scowl and continue to stare until Sae takes Farah but her suggestion on going to the woods... it stays in my mind and it makes me want to get up and embrace the only place where I could feel human right now. My sanctuary but there's still the echoing doubt.</p><p>
  <strong>~~~~</strong>
</p><p>I let the arrow fly, the squirrel hits the forest floor with a <em>thud </em>and I'm satisfied at the arrow which has found itself in the squirrels eye... still got a good aim. I hunt some more before going to the place where I have my greatest escape, the rippling waters look cool and it brings in a flood of memories I have with my father, the masses amount of swimming lessons I had in this very lake, lessons that my dad gave almost every week that we were out here until I could swim confidently on my own.</p><p>
  <em>"Katniss, over here" Katniss crouches next to her father, she smiles at the small pretty flowers</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What is it, Daddy?" Katniss asks </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's the very thing you were named after, the thing that kept your mother and I from starving when you were in her belly. It's a Katniss plant and edible" he explains softly pulling it from the ground, giving it to his daughter to hold and inspect </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wow. Can we take it home?" Her father chuckles and runs his hand over one of her two braids</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course. Remember, Katniss, if you find yourself then you'll never starve"</em>
</p><p>It's the first memory that I've had that doesn't bring total pain, I remember that day very clearly, he always taught me things that I used once he had died. I never thought that he would've died, we were starving back then but I was never happier, my dad was my whole world and to have him ripped away from me... Prim was seven and she barely remembered any memories which I knew upset her as she grew but I always told her stories about him and showed her photographs of him, even if it meant the pain of re-living the moments I spent with him but I did it for Prim because our mother sure as hell wasn't going to and it's something Prim needed.</p><p>I look back out to the water and hug my legs close to my chest then close my eyes, fighting the pain that threatens to break me and when it's about to break through I hear it... Mockingjay's, they're singing a beautiful song somewhere in the branches of the trees. My eyes close softer this time as their song starts to calm me, I let out a sigh as their song comes to an end which brings silence to the forest, I sing out a tune then again the Mockingjay's burst out into song and I come to remember why they were my father's favourite bird, they represented that defeating the Capitol was always possible... people just needed hope, something that I no longer have.</p><p>On my way back I take my time, knowing that once I get into that house then all will come back, the nightmares, the memories and I don't think that I'm ready for that to happen again, not when I've felt a piece of my old self spark alive a little. Once I get into that house, the spark will disappear and I'll be stuck with moping around again like before and I'm conflicted about it because I love being in the forest, hunting and listening to the Mockingjay's play their song. I keep my head down as I walk through town, I look at my feet as I walk further and further away from town, closer to the Victor's Village but as I enter I hear shovelling, I lift my head and... it can't be... my feet move towards him but he hasn't noticed I'm behind him.</p><p>"Peeta..." I say, he turns and quickly stands. "You're back..."</p><p>"Uh, yeah. My treatment progressed enough for me to come back home but I still need over the phone calls with Dr Aurelius" he explains, I look in his hand and for a second I want to yell at him for bringing the flower even close to me until I take a better look at the yellow flower which is definitely not roses, a wheelbarrow is filled with them, he looks down at the flower in his gloved hand then looks back at me</p><p>"I uh... found them out by the forest" he says. "It's primrose" he confirms, I drop my game bag, bow and arrows then I hug him, he hugs me back and I realise that I forgot what it was like to hug him... the comfort I would get from it</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Katniss" he whispers but I bury my face in his chest, not yet wanting to break the hug</p><p>"Are you staying?" I ask finally breaking our hug </p><p>"Yeah. Twelve is my home and it has you and Haymitch here" he replies </p><p>"Have you talked to him?"</p><p>"Sort of... he was too drunk to really process that I was back" Peeta replies </p><p>"Well... it's good... to have you back I mean" I tell him honestly </p><p>"It's good to be back. You don't mind me planting these?" He asks </p><p>"Go ahead. I'm just... going to go inside" I point to my house</p><p>"Okay. I'll talk to you later" he smiles as I pick up my things, his smile is how I remembered him... the smile that made everyone around him happy. I walk back to my house, looking over my shoulder, I catch his eyes which makes me quickly run inside my house and shutting the door right behind me, why is my heart racing? I scowl at my thought and instead put my game away before taking my seat back on the couch, continuing as before. Later that evening Sae comes in with Farah, who's chattering away with Peeta, Sae tells Farah to join her in the kitchen and Peeta sit's on the small table in front of the couch, facing me.</p><p>"Sae is making soup. I brought the bread" he shows me the wrapped up loaves, I stay silent </p><p>"Can't you just try eating a bowl? You look unhealthily skinny" he replies </p><p>"Fine..." I mumble, he grins and stands up, he extends his hand and I raise my eyebrow</p><p>"We're going for a walk. We don't have to talk but you need to get out of this room" his hand stays extended until I let him pull me up, he lets Sae know we're going for a walk before I follow him outside and we walk in silence, the humid summer night air hits my skin</p><p>"Why are you doing this?" I scowl </p><p>"What? Having you talk a walk?" He asks </p><p>"You know what I mean" I reply </p><p>"Because I care about you" he says simply </p><p>"Is that what they told you in your treatment?" I scoff </p><p>"No. It's what I know and feel, why is that so hard to believe?" He frowns </p><p>"Well because it's me. My mom? Gone who knows where. Gale? Also gone who knows where. Haymitch? Drinks himself to sleep. If that means they care, it's a pretty sick way of showing it" I reply </p><p>"I'm sure they do... they just are still grieving. People grieve in different ways and sometimes that means some people get hurt" he says, I scowl and stop walking </p><p>"Hurt? For four straight months I've been sitting in that house rotting away, alone. Did my mom care to call? Hell even write? No, she didn't. I was left alone, broken to eventually dissipate entirely. Do you have any idea how that feels?" I'm not as strong as I use to be... I angrily wipe away my tears </p><p>"I do. I was getting treatment and surrounded by strangers, no letters or calls just my own thoughts. I was the same in the Capitol, I was broke down completely before they decided to hijack me" I feel him take my hand which forces me to look at him. "It's what made me stronger, I know I can never get myself back again and I've come to terms with it, I survive with it because it's what I need to do. I can't dwell on the past, otherwise I can't look forward to the future" curse Peeta and his way with words, I shrug and hug my arms around myself, trying to go back to the way I was before but my body isn't letting me. </p><p>I refuse to eat. I refuse to let Peeta think he has the upper hand here because once I do then what's the point? The months spent looking at the same wall, hearing the same clock tick away the day. I'm too stubborn to give into the warm soup, the bread that seems so soft and delicious, butter smoothed on top of it... I look to Peeta who sets it down on the table that he's forced me to sit at but I move it further away from me, Sae's gone and I've won even with her intimidating stare.</p><p>"Look, I get these past few months have been hard for you but starving yourself won't resolve it. If you accept that the rebellion happened then you'll be able to move on" I scowl, what the hell does he know? He has no idea how I'm feeling</p><p>"You don't have a clue how I'm feeling" I snap at him </p><p>"Maybe not but I did lose my entire family all at once in the bombing. My dad, he was my best friend and next minute he's gone. I may not have been close enough to my family like you were to Prim but I was close enough to know a little about what you're feeling" he replies, I contemplate it before slowly reaching out for the bowl and bread, it's definitely delicious, especially the bread but I don't tell him that. Wouldn't dare tell him.</p><p>He stays with me when I go back to sit on the couch, he sketches and I can see in my peripheral vision how his brows furrow as he concentrates and his tongue sticks out a little too. I focus back entirely on the wall, mortified that my attention span at looking at the wall is slowly getting shorter and it's all Peeta's fault. I was perfectly fine sitting here barely eating or drinking up until Peeta came back and I don't like it... he's disrupting my plan to just waste away.</p><p>"You know, drawing was part of my treatment" I look and he shows me the familiar looking face, it isn't entirely finished yet but it's amazing and I feel like even now I could reach out and touch it...</p><p>"It's... Finnick. I'm sending it to Annie" he replies </p><p>"Why?" That would just upset her, if I were in Annie's spot it would be the last thing I'd want </p><p>"Mainly because she asked me, she sent a letter when I was leaving the Capitol asking for a drawing of Finnick so the baby knows what he looks like" he explains as he starts to sketch the other half of Finnick's face</p><p>"Oh..." without even realising, my eyes instead watch as Peeta sketches, he's left handed which I've hardly ever seen before, most people I've seen in Twelve are right handed, only other person I knew was my dad...</p><p>"Do-are there other drawings?" I ask, Peeta looks at me and smiles </p><p>"Yeah. Theres this one" he goes to a page and it's a Mockingjay, the feathers and body are an intricate design and the colour makes it look even more real. "Then there's this one too" he goes to a page of a bouquet of Primrose and Katniss flowers, tied with a green ribbon </p><p>"I... uh... that one I did... while doing treatment" I look at his slightly red cheeks, the drawing is beautiful </p><p>"It's beautiful. I like the green ribbon" I reply, he smiles </p><p>"I thought you would. It's still your favourite, right?" I nod, he remembers... he gives one last smile before continuing his drawing of Finnick, I want to look back at the wall... but I can't, something about how Peeta sketches is calming.</p><p>"What was your treatment like?" My question causes him to look surprised before he closes his sketching pad</p><p>"Well, they would have me talk about memories I have and would show me if it was real or not. They were able to drain some of the venom, not all of it but I still had a few violent flashbacks but I always got restrained and then I'd be sat down then I looked at the videos, real videos which slowly started to make sense. My violent flashbacks disappeared but I get flashbacks that last about a few seconds or a minute a day, not enough to be violent" he replies, I notice he's looking at my neck and I know exactly what he's remembering, I change the subject </p><p>"Why not go somewhere like Four?" I ask </p><p>"There's nothing for me there but all my good memories are in Twelve. There's nowhere else I'd rather be" he shrugs </p><p>"I actually thought you weren't coming back" I admit</p><p>"Really?" He looks surprised, I nod </p><p>"You didn't write or call and so..." I sigh </p><p>"Well, Dr Aurelius tried calling for me a lot but you never answered" he replies, now I'm the one who looks surprised </p><p>"You did?"</p><p>"Yeah. We called Haymitch who just grumbled that you don't talk or even move. It made me try harder to get better, the harder I tried, the more memories I got" he explains</p><p>"Oh..." it makes my heart skip a little, this is dangerous... this could end up becoming something that I really want to avoid and it won't be any good, at least not in this present time. I lay down and curl up on the couch, Buttercup joins me and I hug him close as I close my eyes. Sleep comes quickly but so do the nightmares... I'm surprised when I see Peeta is there to wake me up, sleeping at the other end of the couch but something tells me that he isn't leaving anytime soon.</p><p>
  <strong>~~~~</strong>
</p><p>Peeta definitely doesn't seem like he's leaving. He joins Sae in making me breakfast, mostly to make sure I actually eat it, which I do but only because I have to... and because Peeta makes it so that I'm smelling the deliciousness of it and I have no choice but to give in and eat what I'm given but I do want to hit his grin off his face when I do give in. Some days Peeta keeps Haymitch company or helps out in the town but he's mostly sitting with me on my couch trying to poke out conversation but that is the only thing I refuse to give him because once we dive into a proper conversation, I might do something stupid, like bringing him close again and whenever that happens... that person gets hurt and it's the last thing Peeta deserves.</p><p>I make it a regular thing going to the forest and it isn't always for hunting, I'll go there to just listen to the birds or the sound of the dancing trees as the occasional wind blows through the long branches. I go to the lake and sometimes I dangle my feet in the cool water in order to cool off and think about all of my memories I spent here with my dad which was a lot, it leaves me mixed between sadness and comfort but I do enjoy looking back on the things that he taught me and the stories that he would tell me about old Panem or whenSnow first became president, I always loved his stories because they were real but he always made it interesting, I often had him repeat my favourite stories which he always did.</p><p>
  <em>"What happened to Lucy Gray?" Katniss asks but her dad chuckles </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No one knows but people say that she's slowly been starting a rebellion within the different Districts" he replies </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But isn't that bad?" Katniss remembers school saying that a rebellion is bad and many people die</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It depends how you see it" he says </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think it's the only way to stop us from starving" Katniss admits </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"As do I. It's also how we see who the people we know become" he agrees</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why don't you start one, Daddy?" Katniss asks, her dad runs his hand through his beard and chuckles </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not compelling enough but you, I believe you could do it" he admits </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But it sounds scary" Katniss frowns, Ale Everdeen kneels down to his daughters height </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know and it isn't something you have to do but it is something you're capable of doing" he tells her lovingly </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You won't die, will you?" She asks, he sighs </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Listen, everything happens for a reason, Katniss. If I die tomorrow, a year or even years from now, I know you'll protect your sister and mother. A force to be reckoned with" he grins, Katniss immediately hugs her father, never wanting to let go</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I love you, Daddy" she whispers </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I love you too my songbird" he replies kissing her cheek, it makes her giggle when his beard tickles her face, she holds her dad's hand as they walk the forest.</em>
</p><p>My dad knew even then that this was bound to happen, that I would lead the rebellion and take down Snow's empire. I didn't believe it and after he died, I denied the possibility of it ever happening completely but after the Hunger Games... it slowly started becoming a possibility. A possibility that got many people killed, including my sister who I tried hard to keep safe and protect like my father told me but I couldn't even do that... he would be disappointed that I didn't try harder to make sure Prim stays alive and I would give anything to tell her that I'm sorry, that I would've traded places with her if I could but it isn't an option. </p><p>I pick some Primrose flowers before walking through the meadow and into the District then up the hill with a mass of graves but I find Prim's... right next to my fathers, I set half down on hers then half on his. I can't hold in the tears and sobbing, having them not here... it makes it harder to move on and harder to truly accept that the world is a new place, a place that Prim and my dad would've loved.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Prim... I couldn't save you" I cry then look to my father's grave. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I promised I'd keep her safe but I failed" I cry for them both, I eventually stop crying and look down at the goosebumps on my arms, I feel a tingle behind my neck and I turn to find no one. Tweeting gets my attention and on top of my father's grave are two Mockingjay who let out the tune of the Meadow song, I look around to find I'm completely by myself. The song ends, they both stare at me for a while longer then fly away, I watch as their dark wings send them high in the sky and I look back to his grave.</p><p>"I miss you both..." I rub the rough stone before walking back down the hill as I try to compose before I get back to town, like always I keep my head down so I don't get noticed, today however is a different story...</p><p>"Katniss!" Posy runs over and looks up at me with a happy gleam </p><p>"Hey Posy" I say, Hazelle approaches with Vick by her side </p><p>"Katniss, it's good to see you out and about" she replies </p><p>"I guess so" I shrug, I feel bad at being curt towards them, I may have had a falling out with Gale but that doesn't mean I should treat his family harshly. "I'm sorry, I just... I'm not quite there yet" I frown </p><p>"That's okay, Dear. I don't think any of us will be for a while but you should come and pop around some day" she replies </p><p>"I'll try to" it's the only thing I can give her</p><p>"Bye, Katniss!" Posy hugs my legs before running off, Hazelle pats my shoulder as she walks by, Vick gives a nod and I continue walking back with a sigh. I get the courage to look around, a lot of Twelve is still in ruins but things are slowly starting to get re-built, the Justice Building is the thing that's being worked on most by everyone. A lot of other's, mostly those who cannot help in the re-building stage, clear the ground from the ashes and fallen beams from homes and buildings. They all chat as they do their individual parts while the children run around laughing... something that's foreign for them, something they can now do freely without having the fear of being beaten for showing happiness but I can tell that the Peacekeepers standing around still make people anxious, especially me even though I know Paylor has been sure to make it so these Peacekeepers enforce safety instead of fear but it still doesn't stop me wanting to keep my bow loaded.</p><p>I get into the Victor's Village to see Haymitch on his porch steps while Peeta sits on Haymitch's yard surrounded by all sorts of shapes of wood and tools, my curiosity gets the better of me. Haymitch raises his eyebrow as I approach which causes Peeta to turn, he smiles when I approach the two of them.</p><p>"What are you doing?" I don't bother greeting Haymitch </p><p>"I'm making Haymitch a bench for his porch" Peeta replies </p><p>"I didn't know you could make stuff like that" I admit </p><p>"It was part of my treatment, learning something new" he explains then sticks his tongue out as he begins screwing pieces of wood together, I look to Haymitch who's drinking, two full bottles next to him </p><p>"You should stop drinking" I scowl </p><p>"I should? Wow, thank you for telling me, Sweetheart" he then takes a big gulp just to annoy me, I shake my head and say bye to Peeta before walking back to my house. I put away my bow and arrows before looking around at the empty house, I can hear the echo of her laugh and of her wise words, they taunt me as I remember her memory, I try being happy but I can't when I'm reminded about how I failed, I look at my reflection in the hallway mirror and scowl, my hair in a braid which reveals the dark circles under my eyes... the paleness of my skin from neglecting it from the sun, I move my neck and touch the burn scar that sits where my neck ends and where my shoulder starts, I look at the scar on my chin which... I have no idea how it got there but it's ugly. I'm ugly, just like a monster... I let out a scream and punch the mirror, the glass shatters at my feet, I stare at the broken pieces with teary eyes but my eyes avert to the door that bursts open.</p><p>"Hell, Katniss" Peeta frowns taking a hold of my now bleeding hand</p><p>"It's fine" I mumble but he stops me from walking away by tightening a little but not enough to hurt my injured hand</p><p>"No. You've cut your hand. Come on" he walks me to the kitchen and get's out the things needed to treat it </p><p>"Since when did you know how to mend cuts? Making furniture and now mending cuts?" I ask, he's tense a little before he starts washing my hand </p><p>"I'm self taught" he replies silently, with a tone that says he obviously doesn't want to talk about it and I don't push him. I stay silent as he softly cleans my wound, apologising when I wince at the pain, making him mumble 'I'm sorry' multiple times but I don't answer instead I just focus on wanting to get this over with. He finishes bandaging my hand then begins cleaning up the broken glass, I scowl at him.</p><p>"You don't have to do that" </p><p>"I want to" he replies </p><p>"Seriously Peeta, I'm not a charity case! I don't need you to constantly come running! I was perfectly fine being the way I was before you came back" I yell at him, he stands but doesn't look angry at me </p><p>"You're not a charity case but like I told you before, I care a lot about you. You punched a mirror for a reason you don't need to tell me about but there are other ways to get out anger other than inflicting pain on yourself. Trust me, I know more than anyone that it can only make the pain worse by hurting yourself" he replies, couching back down to clean up the glass</p><p>"I... I wish you killed me that day" I see his hand tighten around the handle of the small brush </p><p>"Don't... don't say that" he looks up at me with pained eyes. "Ever again" the vulnerability behind them breaks my heart but I can't stop the words from falling out of my mouth </p><p>"Well it's true. Instead of going days on end without my sister, I could be with her" I turn around and stomp upstairs, slamming my bedroom door, I hope he leaves. He does but I hear him return with Greasy Sae but I keep my door locked, I refuse to face him, I can push him away far enough that he'll give up on me just like everyone else. I lay in bed running my thumb over my neatly bandaged knuckles, I feel bad for saying that to Peeta but I just feel like I'm drowning in memories and I don't know how to get out of it myself... it's something I want to do on my own but I don't think that I can. Peeta comes knocking for me to eat dinner but I stay in my bed, looking at my bandaged hand. I move off my bed to reach for the box underneath it, I take the box and open it, I pick up the silver pearl before moving the box back under my bed and getting back to my previous spot as I look at the pearl roll between my finger and thumb.</p><p>It was one moment between Peeta and I where I let him in, a simple gesture that meant the world to me because it meant I wasn't alone in that arena. It made me let Peeta into my heart finally... he was someone I considered more than a friend and for a second I had caught myself thinking that if it were a different world I would let him in completely but then he got hijacked and it got complicated, I was heart broken because I truly believed that he was gone completely then he showed shadows of his old self which made the whole situation even more complicated because I didn't know where my heart stood, I went into survival mode, autopilot, because then I didn't need Peeta or Gale to survive, I had Prim to think about but now she's gone and I don't know what I should think anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I'm able to keep it up for a whole day. A day. Before my hunger got unbearable, I ventured out of my room and downstairs but when I peer into the lounge, Peeta is laying on the couch asleep and it makes my heart beat a little faster which I ignore and scavenge the kitchen but find things that go better together instead of on their own and I am far from being even a decent cook, that's Peeta's talent, his one of many talents. I pick up the half a loaf of bread with a scowl, I could make toast? If I knew how to make toast... maybe I could have just butter on bread? that would be okay, wouldn't it? I mean who doesn't like butter? I look in the fridge and scowl at the butter because my body has decided that I suddenly don't want butter on bread. I shut the fridge door with a frustrated grunt but nearly jump seeing Peeta leaning against the kitchen bench, how did I not hear him?</p>
<p>"Hungry?" He walks up to me, I can only nod and clutch my hand tightly over the pearl </p>
<p>"Well, lucky for you I'm hungry too" he replies taking the loaf of bread, he puts the bread on a tray and in the oven then goes into the fridge, he gets the butter and a medium sized jar that I didn't notice</p>
<p>"Close your eyes" he says as he opens the lid, I scowl. "Just, trust me. Please" he sighs taking out a spoon, I let out my own sigh before doing what he asked </p>
<p>"Okay, open your mouth" </p>
<p>"Seriously?" I scowl, opening my eyes</p>
<p>"Yes! Now do what I said" he demands, I sigh and close my eyes then open my mouth slightly, I'm about grow impatient when I feel my lips come in contact with the cool metal of the spoon, I pull my head back and let the taste of the sweat spread melt in my mouth, I open my eyes to see a grinning Peeta </p>
<p>"What is that?" I try keeping my enjoyment to a minimum </p>
<p>"Jam. Strawberry and blueberry" he replies, he get's out the now golden toast and spreads it over with butter which instantly melts then he puts the jam on top before extending the two slices to me, I take them in my one hand, I quickly put the pearl in the left breast pocket of my shirt before grabbing the other slice. I walk to sit on the couch and finish the delicious tasting toast... man his food creations are unbelievably good. I then am overwhelmed with guilt by what I had said yesterday, here Peeta is pretending like those hurtful words didn't hurt him, I don't know what compels me to do it but I'm doing it before I could stop myself.</p>
<p>"I'm... sorry. About yesterday. I didn't mean any of what I said. I was just upset and... I took it out on you" I tell him, his eyes seem to change how they were before and he smiles </p>
<p>"It's okay. It's understandable but can I offer you some advice?" He asks, I slowly nod </p>
<p>"Dr Aurelius isn't horrible. She really helped me, trust me on that and just try to give it a go" I scowl at him but his look is so desperate... I hate that look, Prim gave it to me all the time and I had to trade a deer for the new boots she wanted...</p>
<p>"Fine but I can't promise that I'll keep it up" I warn </p>
<p>"If it doesn't work out then you can always talk to me. I find that works for me" he admits </p>
<p>"Who do you talk to?" Can't imagine telling Haymitch my problems about my mental state</p>
<p>"I... I go on the hill and sit with my parents and brother's. I'll have a nightmare and once the sun rises I tell them about it, believe it or not, it makes me feel a whole lot better" he admits, it saddens me a little imagining Peeta sitting there alone as he talks about his nightmares to his family who can't give him an answer. I guess we can relate with each other on that. </p>
<p>"Seems like we've come back full circle, huh?" I sigh </p>
<p>"Seems that way, a circle I never want to go around again" he admits </p>
<p>"I don't think my mental state could handle that" I mumble, getting out the pearl and squeezing it in my hand, it offers me a kind of comfort...</p>
<p>"Neither could mine. You know, it will get better, it'll be worse before it can be better but you won't feel this miserable your whole life" his eyes look to my clenched hand</p>
<p>"You kept it?" He asks, I open my hand to reveal the pearl </p>
<p>"Oh... yeah" I feel my cheeks grow warm and instead I look as I twirl it between my index finger and thumb, it gets me in a trance as it glistens in the sun that shines through the window behind us, I can feel him watching but I continue looking at the pearl, too afraid at seeing how he's looking at me... if it's the way it feels because I don't think I can handle seeing him look at me like that right now.</p>
<p>I walk with Peeta towards town, I agreed to see Hazelle today and Peeta was enthusiastic about it, we split up once I get towards the Seam part of the District and it starts bringing back a lot of memories. Many days I spent playing, ignoring the hunger I constantly felt but my dad always joined in the playing whenever I got bored or started thinking too much about being hungry, I surprisingly had quite happy memories.</p>
<p>"Katniss?" I turn to see Leevy</p>
<p>"Leevy. Hey" I say </p>
<p>"Haven't seen you in a while" she says approaching me </p>
<p>"Yeah I've been recovering" it's as best as I can offer</p>
<p>"It's hard. Dad was one of the rebels in the rebellion... he died. Mom isn't coping too well, I've been looking after Max" sadly I can relate to Leevy on that...</p>
<p>"I know the feeling" I reply as we continue walking </p>
<p>"At first I was angry at my dad for joining to fight but then I remembered... he took part in making the world the way it is today. He deserves to be honoured" I wish I could think the same of myself that way...</p>
<p>"He'd be proud of you" I tell her honestly, she gives a small smile, we walk in silence before we get to her home, I glance at my childhood home... completely empty, no signs of life and only harbours happy but also painful memories. I keep going towards Hazelle's home and I see Posy dancing around while Hazelle hangs out the clothes, Vick sitting on a tree stump picking at the grass with a scowl.</p>
<p>"Katniss! You're back!" Posy squeals jumping up and down </p>
<p>"I am. What have you been doing?"</p>
<p>"I was pretending to be a bird! Like you" she giggles</p>
<p>"Of course" I tell her with a small smile, I look to Hazelle who's smiling at me already </p>
<p>"You're looking healthier. It looks good on you" she smiles </p>
<p>"Thank you, do you need any help?" </p>
<p>"Oh no! I'm just finishing up" she says </p>
<p>"Where's Rory?" I ask </p>
<p>"He's been helping out in town with Thom and his crew" </p>
<p>"Oh are you getting by okay?" I don't want them to be starving like before...</p>
<p>"We are, Rory get's paid for it and I do some usual clean ups in people's homes. We're doing just fine" Hazelle reassures me and I nod </p>
<p>"Have you heard from Gale?" She asks, I shake my head </p>
<p>"He hasn't contacted you?" She shakes her head too, it makes me angry... Gale's family meant everything to Gale, it doesn't make any sense that he chooses not to talk to them at all which I find selfish because I'd do anything to have my family back.</p>
<p>"How have you been holding up these days?" She asks</p>
<p>"I don't know really. Peeta tries to lift my spirits but it's hard for me" I sigh, I find it easy to talk to Hazelle, she lost her husband but unlike my mom she worked hard to keep her children safe and get as much food in them as she could. She's the kind of mother anyone would want.</p>
<p>"It would be. Peeta is a lovely boy, he helps out a lot in town and brings baked goods for everyone" of course he does, because he's Peeta and it's just something he does, it's in his nature</p>
<p>"Sounds like Peeta" I reply </p>
<p>"So? Is there something else?" I look at her surprised </p>
<p>"Something else? I-no" I scowl, Hazelle chuckles </p>
<p>"It's just a question, Dear" she replies</p>
<p>"He thinks I should talk to Dr Aurelius. To help me move on..." I frown </p>
<p>"And what are your thoughts?" She asks</p>
<p>"I... I don't think I want to" she takes my hand and sits me on the grass </p>
<p>"Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. Moving on is living a fulfilling life for your future. I had to do it for my children when their father passed away, I've moved on but haven't forgotten my husband" she replies </p>
<p>"I'm scared to be happy. Prim... she deserves to be happy" I frown </p>
<p>"Well, think to yourself, if she were here, would she be happy about how you're spending your days? What you do is your business but don't let your sister's death be in vain" she replies, although I hate admitting it... she has a point</p>
<p>"I'll try... it's just hard"</p>
<p>"I'd be worried if it wasn't but you're a strong young woman, you'll found out a way to live with the pain" she replies, I nod. On my walk home I decide to look up entirely, I see a man fall over dropping all his tools and two other people run over to help him up, the random act of kindness makes me want to smile... so as I continue to walk I make a promise to myself, to look up when I'm walking into town and witness a random act of kindness that I see someone do... it'll remind me that the world truly has changed.</p>
<p>
  <strong>~~~~</strong>
</p>
<p>"I don't see any point of it, Peeta" I whine as he pulls me into the office by the phone </p>
<p>"Give it a try. There will be a promise of cheese buns, made by me" he replies picking up the phone, I scowl at him but he just smiles </p>
<p>"Fine. Those cheese buns better be piping by the time I finish" I warn </p>
<p>"Why of course" he over exaggerates a bow before leaving, I roll my eyes before pushing the numbers to call her number, it rings twice before she picks up</p>
<p>"Hello this is Dr Aurelius speaking" I contemplate hanging up and just telling Peeta that she said I was fine but I really want cheese buns...</p>
<p>"Hi. It's uh... Katniss" </p>
<p>"Katniss! It's good to hear your voice" </p>
<p>"Yeah, Peeta told me to call you, to help because you helped him" I pinch the bridge of my nose as my instincts threaten to hang up the phone but I need to give this a try </p>
<p>"Well, I'm glad you called" she replies </p>
<p>"So... what happens exactly?" I ask sitting in the chair behind the desk </p>
<p>"We start off talking about your eating habits, how long do you spend out of the house, things along those lines. We slowly progress from there" she explains </p>
<p>"I thought you would want to get to the root of the problem?" </p>
<p>"We work our way there. This cannot be resolved in just a days time. Peeta is still having therapy lessons with me and he's been back in District Twelve for a month, that's even after spending four months in treatment, it takes time" she replies. We talk for a while, she asks me questions that I find pointless, she also asks me what I do in a typical day which I didn't understand had to do with anything but apparently she wasn't too unhappy with my answer which I guess I can see as a good sign. </p>
<p>"So, I would like us to have at least three calls in a week. The more you progress, the less days we'll spend talking but it's important that you stick to this schedule, Katniss" she says</p>
<p>"Okay I will, I promise" I sigh, we say our goodbyes then hang up, I walk out of the office to find Peeta in the kitchen washing his arms which are covered in flour which is slightly amusing and cute but I don't admit that out loud... I wouldn't even dare.</p>
<p>"What'd she say?" Peeta asks</p>
<p>"I need to call her three times a week at least" I reply as I begin cutting up the vegetables</p>
<p>"Hey it's better than me. I started with every day, every week" he says </p>
<p>"Really? How many now?" I ask as he stirs the large pot </p>
<p>"Five. Dr Aurelius has been happy with how I've been progressing but still wants to have regular calls" he explains putting the squirrel meat I caught today in a pan</p>
<p>"How's the bakery coming along?" </p>
<p>"Good. Should be ready in August or October, they're wanting to get the schools built up now, ready for the kids to attend school" he replies </p>
<p>"You'll be busy come winter" I say, he chuckles </p>
<p>"That's what I'm hoping. Thom seems to enjoy leading people with the re-building" Peeta says </p>
<p>"Sounds like Thom" I reply. Peeta and I work in comfortable silence, working around each other but it was broken by Haymitch barging through the door. Dr Aurelius told Peeta it may be good healing if we spent time eating dinner together... I protested at first but Peeta gave me the whole not wanting Haymitch to be constantly alone... his look made me groan and agree which also didn't stop his grin.</p>
<p>"Something smells delicious and I know it isn't your cooking, Sweetheart" Haymitch grins </p>
<p>"At least I'm doing something, Old Man" I scowl</p>
<p>"As am I. I'm drinking the alcohol in both of your honours" he grumbles taking a gulp </p>
<p>"Come on, Haymitch. Do you have to?" Peeta frowns, for a second I see a hint of hesitation when he raises his bottle again but it's gone </p>
<p>"Nothing I can change, Boy" I look to Peeta and offer him a small smile which he returns, we continue making our dinner while Haymitch sits at the table drinking and mumbling to himself, I do share Peeta in worry over Haymitch's drinking even if I don't show it... I do care about his well being because he's the last thing I consider as family, Peeta also included which means believe it or not, I care what happens to him. </p>
<p>"Your house seems to be in better condition now that Hazelle's been looking after it" Peeta says, Haymitch scowls </p>
<p>"No thanks to you two, hiring her" he grumbles</p>
<p>"She needed the extra money and you needed a cleaner place so Peeta and I don't vomit when visiting" I scowl</p>
<p>"Your words truly are compelling, Mockingjay" Haymitch mocks, I roll my eyes before continuing to eat my dinner. Haymitch leaves when he finishes which leaves Peeta and I to enjoy the cheese buns which made me smile a little, the thought of Peeta keeping his promise, even if it wasn't that big. Peeta sits on the couch sketching with Buttercup in his lap, Buttercup has returned to his ferrel ways and hisses whenever I get too close to Peeta, I get reminded why I wanted to cook the cat so badly... Peeta however enjoys Buttercup's company. I sharpen my blunt arrow heads while glancing at Buttercup who sleeps soundly, I scowl at the damn thing.</p>
<p>"You really don't like him do you?" Peeta chuckles</p>
<p>"No. He's a nuisance" I scowl </p>
<p>"Oh he's a good boy" Peeta defends scratching under Buttercup's chin which gets him purring</p>
<p>"Damn cat" I mumble as if sensing my annoyance, Buttercup gets up and nudges my arm still purring, I let out a sigh and pat his head. "You're alright sometimes" I tell him and he curls up in the space between Peeta and I before he begins to snooze once again </p>
<p>"How's your picture of Finnick coming along?" I ask, Peeta shows me, it looks so much like Finnick that I could swear that it was an actual photograph </p>
<p>"Wow... that's amazing" I reply and he smiles </p>
<p>"Thank you. It'll look better once I add colour to it" I look as he points the the lines he needs to define, it makes me smile... a real one, my first one in months</p>
<p>"What?" He grins </p>
<p>"Nothing. It's just you get really excited talking about it. It's cute" it's out of my mouth before I can think about it, Peeta smiles but I ignore his red cheeks</p>
<p>"I-uh-thank you" he chuckles</p>
<p>"Your welcome" I reply, my arrow heads don't look sharp enough... I continue sharpening, anything to move the night along. This is exactly what I was talking about by getting in too far is dangerous but I can't go back... I unconsciously decided to improve on my life and now I couldn't go back even if I tried. I blame Peeta a little because of that.</p>
<p>I finish sharpening the arrow blades and I find myself watching Peeta sketch, after that I begin to doze off only to wake up later that night in my bed and it makes me smile a little in the darkness, knowing Peeta put me here. I lay awake for a few moments before I decide to go downstairs for a glass of water, I notice a single light in the kitchen is on and I furrow my eyebrows, making my steps more silent but I'm relieved to see Peeta sitting at the table, he doesn't look good though. His eyes are squeezed shut, one of his hands is tugging at his hair while the other is in a fist on the table and his leg is bouncing at a fast pace, I can hear him muttering under his breath too.</p>
<p>"It's not real. It's not real" he mutters, he sounds so broken </p>
<p>"Peeta..." I say warily, I see him react for a split of a second before continuing. I approach him closer. "Peeta, what's wrong?" I ask sitting next to him </p>
<p>"I just had a nightmare..." he lets out a shaky breath. "I'll be fine... go... back to sleep" he goes back to muttering those words, I frown and take a leap, I put my hand over his closed fist which makes his body deflate, I sit there just keeping my hand on his closed fist because he does it for me, I've come to terms that it's just the two of us now... no family or friends, just each other and I realise it isn't entirely bad...</p>
<p>"I... I'm sorry" he whispers finally looking at me, I frown</p>
<p>"Don't apologise for having a nightmare. I get them too, remember" I reply, he nods</p>
<p>"Sorry if I woke you" he sighs</p>
<p>"You didn't I was getting a drink but making sure you're okay is more important" I tell him, he sighs</p>
<p>"Yeah... I will be. Just something I have to live with" he leans back in his chair and closes his eyes</p>
<p>"It happened, Katniss. I was a piece in his game, I was turned into something I wasn't and I can't get to my old self..." he looks at me with a pained expression which breaks my heart, I hold his hand properly </p>
<p>"We both were a piece in his game. We both won't be able to return back to our old selves but maybe experiencing all that we had is what shapes us in the future..." I try believing my own words</p>
<p>"Now who's the one good with words?" He smiles, I whack his shoulder and he chuckles </p>
<p>"You ruined the moment" I scowl</p>
<p>"How horrible of me. How can I repay you?" He asks</p>
<p>"Is that even a question? You can only be forgiven with cheese buns" I joke, standing up</p>
<p>"It seems that way" he chuckles as I go get my drink of water, so his nightmares do get like mine... he may know a lot more about what it is like for me than I had perviously thought.</p>
<p>
  <strong>~~~~</strong>
</p>
<p>District Twelve hasn't been entirely cleaned up but it's looking far better than it had looked than when Haymitch and I had returned. I enjoy watching the progress of everything... like always I look for a random act of kindness which has resulted in me smiling for the first time in public which surprises me but Dr Aurelius said that it's a good routine to have during the day and apparently it's an interesting but effective way in moving on, something that is unique to me. I've already had two calls since my first call with Dr Aurelius and we've barely breached the surface but she tells me that it's still something that needs to be approached over time, that also means I'll be having those calls for god knows how long but Peeta mentioned that it isn't the end of the world, that it's helping me, apparently he can see the change or something which I just scowled at. </p>
<p>I don't feel sad remembering the memories I have with my dad anymore... when I get to the lake and start remembering I actually smile at the memories that I shared with my father. I sit on the lush green grass, laying my back against the trunk of a tree and let the sun warm up my body... I've always loved summer, the animals always came out and most of the edible plants are ready to pick and eat. I gather what game I could carry in my bag before heading back, I walk into town and I stop when I see Peeta working on the bakery, he's at a fair distance but close enough to see his muscles bludging from his white shirt as he carries wood planks, I look away mortified at myself for looking... I begin walking off but I steal another glance at Peeta's bakery and our eyes connect, he smiles and I smile back at him before I continue walking.</p>
<p>I see someone looking at a familiar house which is crumbled, the second floor of the house ruined, the staircase however is still attached but it looks like that the slightest bit of weight would cause it to collapse, as I get closer I realise it's Thom...</p>
<p>"I still hear all the screaming... I tried getting to Madge and her parents but..." he says without looking at me, I give him a sad smile </p>
<p>"Madge was one of my only friends aside from Gale... she was never like other girls. She was a good friend" I frown </p>
<p>"I tried pulling her away but she just... ran into the house for her family and workers... it was too late and Gale had to pull me away" he finally looks at me and smiles</p>
<p>"Haven't seen you in a while, how've you been?" He asks, I realise that I haven't been able to talk to Thom since I've been back and I honestly feel bad because I've known him for a while and know that he too has lost his own family, something I was told by Gale at least</p>
<p>"Better than when I returned. What about you?" I reply</p>
<p>"I'm doing well. Working hard for my parents, doing them proud" he smiles </p>
<p>"That's good, I'm glad" I tell him </p>
<p>"Have you heard much from Gale?" He asks</p>
<p>"No. We didn't exactly part ways on the best of terms. Have you?" </p>
<p>"Nope. It's sad really, he was the only person I considered a friend in this town but I have Bristol here with me so I'm not entirely alone" why am I not surprised that he's cut all ties to Twelve and gone to live god knows where</p>
<p>"I find it a little selfish of him but it's good you have people here still. I hear you're making a name for yourself, designing the buildings" I reply </p>
<p>"Yeah, since the mines got shut I had nothing to do and so I convinced quite a lot of men and women to help with rebuilding the District" he chuckles </p>
<p>"It's definitely coming along nicely. Also, thank you for putting Peeta's bakery on your agenda. It makes him happy" I tell him </p>
<p>"It wasn't a problem. It isn't about Seam or Merchant anymore" Thom smiles</p>
<p>"I know... but you seem to doing well, they'll all be proud of you" I reassure him, he gives me a small smile</p>
<p>"Thank you... it's definitely been hard" I tell him</p>
<p>"It has been but we'll get through it" I nod in agreement</p>
<p>"It was great talking to you, I should head off" I say</p>
<p>"Yeah... me too I suppose. See you around, Katniss" Thom smiles</p>
<p>"See you around" I watch as he walks off, I stare at Madge's ruined home with a pained look because she's added to the list of people who didn't deserve to die this way, I say a silent goodbye to her before walking away. When I get back I scowl at the geese that are running everywhere, damn Haymitch, I will cook and eat all of those geese and as I get closer I see that Haymitch is sleeping on his porch bench cuddling a bottle which makes me even more annoyed.</p>
<p>"Wake up, Haymitch" I nudge his leg and he grumbles, I roll my eyes but then I'm spending an hour trying to gather them back in their coop which was highly frustrating. I go into Haymitch's home which is actually decent smelling now, thanks to Hazelle. I fill the bucket under his sink with cold water and walk back out, I don't hesitate in throwing the cold water on him which makes him scream and drop his bottle.</p>
<p>"You really need to fucking stop that" he sits down and frowns at his broken bottle of booze</p>
<p>"Maybe next time learn to keep your damn geese in their area before they are on the table for dinner" I threaten</p>
<p>"Whatever..." he grumbles, he gets up and walks into his house, slamming the door shut which just makes me roll my eyes. I spend the rest of my free time skinning the game I got and stocking it up in the freezer, I think about what Thom said and looking at her house... Madge is gone. Besides Peeta she was one of the only decent person from the Merchant side of our District, she gave me the Mockingjay pin and I knew after that where we stood, better friends than most I'd say, not as close as Gale and I were but we could've been well on that track if she had survived the bombing.</p>
<p>Peeta gets back, looking exhausted and his skin on his face and arms are a bright red. He goes to have a shower and I leave him ointment on what use to be my mother's bed before I go downstairs to wash the strawberries and raspberries which I found in the forest, they were actually a little difficult to find, especially the raspberries which I haven't had in a long time. I even take a few after I wash them and I nearly eat the entire batch.</p>
<p>"Yum raspberries" I slap Peeta's hand away </p>
<p>"I already ate too much, you were too late" I scold him </p>
<p>"Just a few? Raspberries are my favourites" he begs, I sigh </p>
<p>"A handful. That's it" he grins and reaches in to grab a handful but I scoff at his red face which is still glistening from the ointment he's put on it </p>
<p>"You are as red as those raspberries. Didn't you put on the cream before getting out in the sun?" I scold </p>
<p>"I did but I still burnt" he shrugs, mouth filled with berries, I roll my eyes at him and put the berries into the fridge.</p>
<p>"Your bakery is coming along nicely" I say as we sit on the couch </p>
<p>"It sure is, the inside needs to be done now and it'll be open" he sighs</p>
<p>"Good because I'll buy you out of cheese buns" </p>
<p>"You really love cheese buns" he chuckles</p>
<p>"Is it that obvious?" I reply sarcastically. "I talked to Thom today... Madge... she didn't survive the bombing. Thom tried taking her away but she... ran into her house for her family and their workers" I frown, Peeta instantly covers my hand with his own, I give him a sad smile </p>
<p>"I knew Madge... she was really nice" he says </p>
<p>"Yeah... she wasn't like typical girls. She never liked talking about boys or dresses. That's what made me like her even more" Dr Aurelius was very clear with Peeta and I that it's important that we talk about old memories, something that I struggle with but it's slowly getting easier to talk about with Peeta</p>
<p>"I once saw her tell a boy off for flirting with her. Told him that she wasn't interested, that she wasn't a toy" Peeta chuckles</p>
<p>"Sounds like Madge... you know it was a terrible world back then but my memories aren't entirely bad... I had quite a few of happy ones" I admit </p>
<p>"Me too. It's simple but I remember playing hide and seek with my dad when I was five" Peeta smiles fondly </p>
<p>"I remember my dad would jump in muddy puddles with me... my mom would scold us but my dad would kiss her, tell her that he loved her and she would just smile at him" I sigh, I never once heard my parents fight, not once but sometimes they'd dance, they would tuck Prim and I in bed but I would sneak out, sit on the staircase as my dad sung as he swayed with mom around the room, I admired my parents love.</p>
<p>"My parents weren't in love. It was just convenient. My mom's parents owned the butchers and the bakery was good business for them" my heart feels for Peeta because although I was not as lucky as the children in the Merchant side, I had parents that were in love and always involved with Prim and I, my dad mostly but before he died so was my mom</p>
<p>"I'm sure your dad loves you" I reassure him </p>
<p>"Oh I know and I feel like my mom did too... I just remember my grandparents, they were even worse with my mom. Even around my brother's and I, she cared enough about dad to not lash out but that left us boys to take the heat. I know it wasn't her fault that her parents hated each other and decided to take it out on her" Peeta frowns </p>
<p>"That's awful. Were they nice to you and your brother's?" I ask </p>
<p>"Kind of. They acknowledged us at the very least but they mostly visited to discuss business with my parents" he replies </p>
<p>"My mom's parents didn't want her to visit... they completely disowned her. I vaguely remember my father's parents who were quite nice, my dad's mom was real free and always talked about the woods" I mean I might as well share seeing as he's being so open...</p>
<p>"Families can be a complicated concept" he sighs</p>
<p>"That can be definitely agreed" </p>
<p>
  <strong>~~~~</strong>
</p>
<p>"We haven't seen one animal" I look at Peeta over my shoulder with a scowl </p>
<p>"That's because you walking on every possible stick which has scared them all off" I scold, I've decided to share the lake with Peeta, we spent time in the meadow before I agreed, after a lot of fights with myself in my own head to take Peeta to the lake, I however didn't consider that he'd be walking on every stick and branch that we come across, not to mention he's fallen twice already due to his prosthetic leg affecting his balance but I couldn't help but bite my lip from laughing whenever he fell on his ass.</p>
<p>"Hey, I'm not a hunter like you. Besides I wasn't planning to be walking in the woods today" he defends himself, I roll my eyes. We get to the lake and I proudly present it to him, I watch as his eyes fill with wonder, the same look I had when I first saw this place </p>
<p>"Wow..." </p>
<p>"I know. My dad took me here all the time. I learnt how to swim here" I reply, he looks at me surprised</p>
<p>"You... are you sure you want to share this with me? I mean it's really special to you" </p>
<p>"Yes I'm sure" I say sitting on the grass, he sits next to me and follows as I take off my shoes and socks, I walk over and sit on the rock edge, dangling my feet into the cool water and Peeta follows</p>
<p>"Who else knows about this place?" He asks </p>
<p>"Me and now you" I reply, I look at him to see him smiling slightly at the water, I look back to my feet which I move softly back and forth in the water </p>
<p>"You know I-Ah!" I laugh as Peeta falls into the water, he comes up gasping, the water finishing right where his chest is</p>
<p>"Katniss!" He frowns, I continue laughing, how long has it been since I've laughed like this? I can't even remember</p>
<p>"That's it" my laughing stops and I get up quickly but Peeta is also surprisingly quick at getting up, he grabs me and lifts me over his shoulder </p>
<p>"Put me down! I'm sorry! No! Peeta!" I scream as he throws me in too, I come up to him laughing now, I scowl at him </p>
<p>"Watch out!" He yells running up, I block my eyes as he jumps into the water, both of us laughing and still fully clothed</p>
<p>"I like seeing you like this" he admits </p>
<p>"Like what?"</p>
<p>"Smiling, laughing. You haven't truly healed but you definitely seem better than you were when I first got here" he explains, I splash water at him, not knowing really how to respond. We get out of the water after spending some more time swimming around, letting the water cool us down. I notice Peeta look at me but then look away quickly, I look down and see my shirt is slightly see through and sticking to my body... oh... not like his is any better... he's put on a lot of muscle in a month. I shamefully look away and mumble that we should get going due to the sun setting. We walk back in comfortable silence but by the time we get to the meadow, Peeta grabs my hand to stop me.</p>
<p>"Look" he points to the sky and my eyes marvel at the sunset, perfect mix of oranges and reds, I look at Peeta and smile as he looks up at the sky with a smile of his own</p>
<p>"Sunsets are always so much better in Twelve" he sighs as we continue walking</p>
<p>"Why's it your favourite colour?" I ask as we continue walking </p>
<p>"Everyday since my mom first beating me, I'd sit out on the fence behind our bakery. I would look up and the colours were so muted but so beautiful, it would instantly calm me. Still does" he explains </p>
<p>"That makes sense, I wasn't surprised when you first told me" I reply and he smiles, we continue to talk as we walk back to our house where we find Haymitch sitting on the porch steps drinking his usual bottle of booze</p>
<p>"It's about damn time you two got back. What the hell happened to you two?" He grumbles </p>
<p>"Katniss showed me the lake, she also pushed me in then I threw her in. We just lost track of time, don't worry we didn't forget to feed you" Peeta grins as we walk inside, I huff in amusement but Haymitch grumbles </p>
<p>"I'm hungry" I roll my eyes at him, when is Haymitch ever not hungry?</p>
<p>"Patience. I need a shower first" Peeta says, he doesn't wait for Haymitch to answer before walking up stairs</p>
<p>"So, you and the boy seem to be getting on well" Haymitch says following me into the kitchen </p>
<p>"Seems that way" I like Haymitch but doesn't mean I like talking about Peeta with him, especially when Peeta is just upstairs </p>
<p>"Not up for talking?" He grins, I scowl at him </p>
<p>"Not to you and not about this" I tell him, he rolls his eyes. Haymitch makes me feel like I'm far older than eighteen... I feel like I'm fifty because I'm constantly talking about things that make me frustrated and constantly having to look after him, I know Peeta feels the same but we both know that we're all that Haymitch has left and it's the same with us. When Peeta comes back downstairs I decide to go have my own shower too, I start walking down the stairs but stop when I hear my name.</p>
<p>"Katniss and I are just friends" Peeta says</p>
<p>"Is that what you tell yourself?" </p>
<p>"No... she... she doesn't need me confessing my feelings again. Not when she needs help healing, she needs a friend right now" my heart warms at Peeta's response...</p>
<p>"Come on, you sleep in her house, sure you're in seperate rooms but you're still got all your things here" Haymitch replies</p>
<p>"I know but it's not what she needs right now" Peeta sighs, I decide to make my footsteps loud when I walk the rest of the way down the stairs, I walk in and they both play off like they weren't talking about me and I don't mention it because Peeta is right... it isn't what I need right now.</p>
<p>Dr Aurelius advises Peeta and I to start a memorabilia dedicated to the people we lost but also to the people we know who were affected by the Games or rebellion, it's suppose to help us at least that's what she had said, she also advised us to do it in anyway that we feel is right to us. Peeta and I agreed in book form, I told him the book my dad had when I was a kid, it was his Plant Book, it's how I learnt about all the plants, whether they were edible or not but in our case it'll be our Memory Book. Peeta is the one who draws or finds the photos of the ones that are available and I write about the person, even though I hate thinking it but Dr Aurelius is right... it is therapeutic and it calms my mind about the people who died because of me.</p>
<p>"Do you think we're doing them proud?" I ask as Peeta adds colour to the drawing of Boggs</p>
<p>"How do you mean?" He replies</p>
<p>"I mean, do you think we're doing enough to remember them?" </p>
<p>"I think there's only so much we can do. Paylor is building a memoriam in the Capitol and we're doing our own book to remember them. I'd like to believe that we're doing them proud" he answers </p>
<p>"I just... so many of them died because of me" I frown, he stops colouring to look at me </p>
<p>"They didn't die because of you, they died for you. Everyone knew that you were the only person capable of taking Snow down, taking down the Hunger Games and people were willing to put their lives on the line in order to help you change the world to the way it is today" he tells me </p>
<p>"But it didn't have to be that way... I could've... I don't know, do it myself? So I'm putting only myself in danger" I admit</p>
<p>"How do you know you would've gotten through the Capitol alone? Look, the lives we lost were horrible and we'll never forget the impact it left but you can't blame yourself, they chose to be a big part of the rebellion" </p>
<p>"I guess... I just suppose it'll be a while before I can accept it" I sigh </p>
<p>"Me too but I'll be by your side through it all, that's a promise" he replies, I give him a small smile which he returns, I find slight comfort in his words knowing that I won't be alone in this process of healing.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>